Pressing Questions from my Toddler to ‘Siri’

I wanted a new iPhone one for a while (mine was the 2010 model which meant that is was OLD), but I didn’t want to spend the money.  Unfortunately for me, I took “the boy” on a hike, put my iPhone is the same pocket as his sippy cup which, of course, leaked.  Basically, my iPhone spent a good 30 minutes marinating in apple juice.  (More on pricey strollers not having mommy cup holders later.  Bastards.)  Plus, the irony that my iPhone was ruined by apple juice is not lost on me either.

I did the “cover-the-iPhone-in-rice-overnight-to-soak-out-the-moisture” trick to no avail.  When I went to the Apple store, I wasn’t even going to try to lie to them.  The phone was ruined and I would have been busted.

So, I got the new iPhone.  The “4S”. which I actually think is the “5th” iPhone, but I’m pretty sure it runs on a “3G” network around here.  Yeah, not confusing at all.  Whatever version it’s called, it’s the one with ‘Siri’.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, you can basically talk to your phone to do things that apparently have proven much too difficult in the past.  For example, instead of pulling up your weather app to see today’s forecast, you can ask ‘Siri’ something really clever like “What’s the weather going to be today,” or “Do I need an umbrella?”  Yeah, kind of freaky.

However, you can also tell ‘Siri’ to refer to you however you wish.  So from henceforth, according my iPhone, I am now knows as “Princess Kimberly”.  FYI.

Well, clever mommy that I am, I thought it would be hysterical if I let my four-year old boy ask her questions as well. (Queue the music) Bum . . . bum . . . BUM!  Big fail.

First of all, ‘Siri’ can’t understand him.  And by God he doesn’t like that AT ALL!  For whatever reason, no matter what question “the boy” asks ‘Siri’, “her” response is, “I’m sorry.  I don’t understand what you mean by ‘Or Or Or Or Or Or Or’.  How she translates whatever he says into “Or Or Or Or Or Or Or” is beyond me.

However, once we got beyond the ‘Lost in Translation’ issue and I started instead just dictating what he says to her, we arrived at issue number two (pun intended).  Apparently, the best thing for a toddler to ask ‘Siri’ is all about “potty words”.  For example, “Can you show me a picture of ‘poo’?” or “I want to see a ‘butt’!”  Awesome!  From henceforth, we now have a “you-can’t-ask-the-phone-anything-about-a-potty-word” rule.  I’m pretty sure this is a true definition of a first-world problem.

Once “the boy” learned his ‘Siri’-asking parameters, it was like duck-season in Arkansas.  If you’re a duck (Siri), game on and watch out.  In a 90-minute period, ‘Siri’ was asked no less than a total of 127 questions, ranging from: “Do you know about real pirates??” to “How far is it to Transylvania??”.  Yep . . . loads of fun for mommy and ‘Siri’s’ battery.

Actually, it was pretty cool to know what’s top of mind of a typical four-year old boy.  It’s not paying bills, famine, or world peace.  It’s diarrhea, Captain Hook, and vampire proximity.

All in all, I think he’s going to be ok.  Now . . . . it’s my turn.  I’ve learned that ‘Siri’ is quite the snarky little bitch.  Yep, we’re going to get along just fine.

© Two too smart, smartass mommies 2011