So, it’s time to stick our necks out and let you know what we think about the current roster of Presidential candidates.
As mommies, of course our first priority is our kids, so in that vein, our selection is tainted with the rosy haze of examining the candidates through snot-covered glasses.
Knowing this, we thought it would be helpful to provide a “Presidential Candidate Guide” which ranks the current prospects against our list of “must haves” to find out who comes out on top.
This is obviously not an original idea. News organizations are constantly stack ranking candidates based on their stance on “vital” issues like: the economy, taxes, abortion, immigration and looks (well, maybe not that last one, but it doesn’t seem like there have ever been truly “ugly” Presidents in recent memory, so somebody thinks it’s “important.”)
Below, please find the list of our criteria, why we think it’s important and who comes out on top.
Issue: Truth in politics
Why ask? Our kids lie. All . . . . the . . . . time. And so do we. Examples:
- “If you don’t cut it out, I’m telling Santa Claus!”
- “My sister did it!” or,
- “Leave that alone, that’s mommy’s grape juice.”
We figure if a politician can’t do this better than our 4 and 5-year olds, they don’t deserve to be (re)elected.
Yes, we realize that there are other Presidential candidates (file this under “What the fuck!” – Roseanne Barr is running??) but this post is already too long and this is the most I’ve talked about politics since my freshman year “International Politics and Economic Relations” class in college, and I’m already bored.
Our vote? George Clooney. He can put together a coherent sentence, he’s not a “beltway insider” (on my to do list: come up with a debate drinking game every time certain terms, such as this one, are used), he’s old enough (Constitutionally speaking) and, most importantly, he’s hot. These are qualifications that our toddlers do not possess. So who’s to say that our list of standards is any better or worse than those “talking heads” at “respectable news organizations” (the use of quotes is sarcastic) can come up with??
At the end of the day, if you can’t do this job better than our Kindergartners, then just sit down, have a glass of wine, shut the hell up and watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. That’s what we do, and it seems to work out just fine.