Necessary Facebook Buttons

As you are all very much aware, Facebook gives us a limited number of options when responding to a friend's post, link, video or picture:  "Like", "Comment" and "Share".  I get why they do this, I really do.  Having these "positive" options keeps the conversation light, happy and in fa-fa-la land (for the most part).  If you want to be snarky, you have to actually up and write something yourself.  This, of course, is my preferred method of communication and few things make me more giddy than what a friend told me was known as "troll baiting" (apparently, the correct internet-geek term is "flaming", but I like the other version better).  And of course the problem with being snarky in written communication form is that it opens the responder up for induced or perceived criticism, insults and/or corrections.

However, if a friend of mine on Facebook posts something along the lines of "I have a massive migraine!", what the hell is he or she is expecting from their readers??  If I click "Like" does that mean, "I completely understand and sympathize with what you are going through?" or could it mean, "Hey!  I'm so HAPPY you have a headache!".  The migraine sufferer can't possibly be expecting us to reply with a written post because everybody knows that when you have a migraine, the last thing you want to do is open your eyes, so responding in a written context is really quite rude and could be medically problematic (not really, but being melodramatic is a strong suit).  Similarly, if a friend checks-in at her dentist's office, for example, just before un-friending somebody so dreary (check in at a Jay-Z concert? Yes!; check in at your medical practitioner's office? Hell no.), by clicking "Like" are you saying, "Great! I hope you have a wonderful appointment" or are you communicating instead, "Fabulous!!  I'm so happy you're finally getting those filthy teeth power washed."  So you can see why additional options are completely necessary.

Consequently, I am proposing the following list of new Facebook buttons so we can respond appropriately - whether to express sympathy, outrage and/or, more importantly, troll bait:

Facebook Dislike Button

I'm not the first one to suggest this, but the necessity of this button seems pretty obvious.

Facebook STFU Button

Again, no original content here, but I did take the time to create the button.  You're welcome Mark Zuckerberg.  I know I just saved your programmers loads of time, should y'all ever get around to doing this. 


Facebook Meh Button

For posts that are boring as shit, as in "I'm at the grocery store!" or "I hate Mondays."  Really people?  At least try to entertain me.  I think this is slightly nicer than a "Who the Fuck Cares?" button; plus, I could make the font size bigger.

Facebook Shove Button

And finally, friends can "Shove!", with varying degrees of intensity (maybe the fist gets larger the more times you press it), other friends who are really starting to annoy them.

© Two too smart, smartass mommies 2011